Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Don't know how to help!!!

     Okay, my mother in law passed from a form of cancer I had not heard of before. She passed away January 24, 2010 and my father was severly depressed and took his own life June 13, 2010. My husband has been very strong through it all and in fact I believe to strong. He mourned my mother in law along side his father. They were there to help each other and grieved together. But unfortunately my father in law did not get through it as well as my husband. My father in law threatened suicide many times before he actually carried out his threats. I tried to get the family together to try to help for a few months before he committed suicide. My husband was really torn the night he received the news about his dad and had to go to his dad's house to meet with the detectives and the coroner. After he came home at 6am the next morning he stopped crying as he knew he had to take care of everything that comes with death. His paternal grandmother is still with us, as well as three uncles. They were very upset with my husband and his sisters for cremating their father even though it was what he had always told us he wanted. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and my in laws have made sure to tell us many times a year what their final wishes were which included cremation. His grandma and one uncle went as far as to get an attorney to stop the three kids from carrying out their fathers final wishes. Needless to say my father in law was cremated. We had so much support the first couple of months, it was great. Everyone slowly backed away and the last couple of months most of the people who helped us get through it has been at each others throat for one reason or another (their own reasons nothing to do with this). So, today my husband finally broke his silence and cried some which he has not done. He is sad not only from physically losing two parents, but he also feels like because no one can get along that he is alone. He knows I am here, but he had my parents and his maternal aunt and uncle around alot and now no one. My parents call, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and thats all they want to talk about it ridiculous, and thats if they are not defending another sibling even if they are totally wrong in what they are doing. His aunt has not had too much to do with him because he said a joke and she took it very personal. My husband is one of the most gentle and kind people I have ever met. Since his parents passed he has become less tolerate of somethings that he would look right passed before. So, I believe that he was trying to deal with all this pain without showing too much emotion. I kept telling everyone that his moods had changed and that he would eventually break down. Well, I am glad that he cried today, but unfortunately I still don't think it was enough because it was only on his way out the door for work. I think between his sister from Florida calling and them talking about their dad and the holidays its finally getting to him. Now I am trying to rally all these people together and trying to get everyone to understand with this being the first big holidays without his parents that he needs support just as they helped when the first two tragedies happened. Any suggestions or ideas on how to help with any of this is much appreciated.

1 comment:

  1. Sweetheart:

    First of all, thanks again for your words of support and wisdom during my difficult and upsetting time. I am deeply grateful. (I don't know anything about blogs, so I don't know if you get my comments sent to you).
    As for what you and your husband are going through - wow. I'm heartbroken. (What is your husband's name, by the way? You can see in his eyes how gentle a soul he is!) I'm about ready to give up on talking altogether (except to myself and my animals, which I can't help!), because no one listens. Everyone is SO concerned with pushing THEIR agenda, there is never any room nor compassion for the needs and viewpoints of others.
    Suggestions? Give ME their numbers, and I'll give it to them! I could use a good, anonymous target right about now! How DARE they fuss and fight over all that stupid crap! My heart goes out to both of you - please keep me informed about how it all goes.
    Hey, how's about pasting a photo of the most offensive member of the family on the holiday turkey?

    Love, hugs and blessings to the four of you-